"The saddest thing in the world, is loving someone who used to love you."-Anonymous
Friday, January 29, 2010
Uncertainty
Who's been searching
for you
my whole life?
There you were
Smoke and mirrors
Illusion
Beautiful fantasy of
a yesterday
that never was?
Fleeting glimpse of
someone
No, not you
She's with
another
man
If I only imagined
you
Why do I still
taste your kiss
seek your smile
long to hold you?
Mischevious mirage
step aside
allow the arrival
of my true love
I feel as if we've met
Have we?
No one is here
I am alone
Sometimes
I wonder
If there was never
you
there could
not have been
us
Maybe I'm not even
me
Lost at Sea
I wondered if I could
see beautiful again
in words or deed
or anything
I don't
I doubted I could
hope again
it felt like
impossibility
I gave up
I prayed
my life make
sense again
to a God
I don't believe
It doesn't
I reached
out to another
heart
to fill the void
you left
Touching nothing
I get up
and walk through
life alone
noone to call
beloved
no place
to call home
I try to
cope with all
these things
yet in the silence
lingering
is pain and anger
sorrow, hurt
an emptiness
like Hades curse
It's my fault
I had a chance
to be with you
and always thought
that I would too
but then the time came
that we failed
the ship of my dreams
up and sailed
Forever away
into the fading light
of the last happy day
I knew
Monday, January 25, 2010
Afterlife Second Chance
So when they
grow old together
Now it will be apart
So terribly sad
an ending
To so beautiful a start
They knew love
like wildfire
both touched by
the flame
None could aspire
to reach any higher
nor see their
passion tamed
They stared up
at the same stars
For a dozen years now gone
Though cold, and up
so very far
They wished on every one
Times they took together
to show their daughter love
there for her whatever
no sacrifice too much
Those stars ride
the twilight sky
That wildfire's
long burned out
Happiness became
a deep divide
Across which
a lone man shouts
"I loved you then "
"I love you now"
"We'll meet again "
"I don't know how"
"Perhaps up in the twilight sky
in heaven when our lives pass by?"
"You'll know me as an old dear friend
and one you'd care to love again"
"I'll run to you on feet of wings
forgiving all those painful things"
"To finally spend eternity
The way I'd always hoped to be"
Friday, January 22, 2010
Just a house
Sitting sobbing, sorrowfully staring
blindly woeful upon the window's
pitiful barrier to a forlorn bitter wind
quaking in abject terror of a vicious force
so ravenously hungry to sweep away
forcefully every fragile shard of a ruthlessly
shattered heart, maliciously scattering
upon the rapidly rushing river of tears
encircling a structure that was once called
Home
The Thief
Taste the
memory
of her kiss
One thing
more than all
you miss
Embrace the
warmth
of her phantom
touch
Another thing
you miss
so much
Tremble
as her whisper
echoes
from the past
Mourning
her loss
this time
more than
the last
Reach to her
in comfort
to the space
she used
to take
Touching
only empty
realizing
your mistake
She's gone
and you still
feel her
Spin your
missing ring
You let
someone
steal her
He took
everything
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Welcome to the World
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity."
-Dr. Martin Luther King
A lonely island of poverty
stricken by the fury of earth
shaken and thrown flat
So many dead and dying
a world weeps with you
rushing to your aid
Sobbing empathy, futility
poor devastated country
built on the bravery of those
who once were as cattle
Property to ancestors of
those who seek now only
to help and comfort a friend
You mourn, your loss is great
so many beautiful souls
taken too soon, forever lost
Once you were as nothing
beasts to be beaten and tamed
lashed to the plow, chained in the field
Today a world weeps
hearts aching so deeply
with concern and love
As one can only feel for
family
You are no man's slave
today you are not poor
the hearts of the world open
to you and yours in this
time of greatest need
Haiti has felt the fury
of the lash
She has tasted
the wrath of the earth
She has invited the world
to become finally as one
with her courage and strength
If you would like to do something for the earthquake victims, there's a link to the Red Cross at the bottom of my blog.
"One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity."
-Dr. Martin Luther King
A lonely island of poverty
stricken by the fury of earth
shaken and thrown flat
So many dead and dying
a world weeps with you
rushing to your aid
Sobbing empathy, futility
poor devastated country
built on the bravery of those
who once were as cattle
Property to ancestors of
those who seek now only
to help and comfort a friend
You mourn, your loss is great
so many beautiful souls
taken too soon, forever lost
Once you were as nothing
beasts to be beaten and tamed
lashed to the plow, chained in the field
Today a world weeps
hearts aching so deeply
with concern and love
As one can only feel for
family
You are no man's slave
today you are not poor
the hearts of the world open
to you and yours in this
time of greatest need
Haiti has felt the fury
of the lash
She has tasted
the wrath of the earth
She has invited the world
to become finally as one
with her courage and strength
If you would like to do something for the earthquake victims, there's a link to the Red Cross at the bottom of my blog.
So Anyway
The poems I post here are something I've always dabbled at. I love to write. I also have a collection of poems that aren't all depressing,I'm just not in that mood lately.
Anyone that reads my writing on this site should understand something. This is not a forum for me to bash on anyone. I got really hurt, and drew a lot of inspiration from my pain. But I'm to blame for a lot of what happened too. It's never just one person that fails in a relationship. I was just really blind to everything, her issues, my issues, the whole thing.
These poems are just signposts on my journey out of darkness. I hope you will read them and maybe keep up with them. I'd love to hear any comments anyone has on the writing. I don't really need any commentary on her, or encouragement for me because no matter how well intended, that stuff still hurts.
I'd love to know what you think of my poems though.
Thanks,
Michael
Anyone that reads my writing on this site should understand something. This is not a forum for me to bash on anyone. I got really hurt, and drew a lot of inspiration from my pain. But I'm to blame for a lot of what happened too. It's never just one person that fails in a relationship. I was just really blind to everything, her issues, my issues, the whole thing.
These poems are just signposts on my journey out of darkness. I hope you will read them and maybe keep up with them. I'd love to hear any comments anyone has on the writing. I don't really need any commentary on her, or encouragement for me because no matter how well intended, that stuff still hurts.
I'd love to know what you think of my poems though.
Thanks,
Michael
Melancholy Wood
Step quickly
through the
shallow stream
as you
walk through
the wood
lost in
a dream
Dance to
the music
that nobody
plays
that whispers
on the wind
in a magical way
Feel for the
forest
so pure and serene
look to the
heavens
what does it
all mean?
You used
to know love
and now
it is lost
a thing
just discarded
wadded and tossed
You linger
in limbo
and want
to let go
but how that
will happen
you still do not
know
So you walk
in the forest
through the
trees
in your mind
and search
for a new life
old left
behind
The melody
that haunts
you
that nobody
plays
whispers through
the branches
in torturous ways
It sings
of a memory
which you
cannot let go
of a girl
who once
loved you
and filled you
with hope
through the
shallow stream
as you
walk through
the wood
lost in
a dream
Dance to
the music
that nobody
plays
that whispers
on the wind
in a magical way
Feel for the
forest
so pure and serene
look to the
heavens
what does it
all mean?
You used
to know love
and now
it is lost
a thing
just discarded
wadded and tossed
You linger
in limbo
and want
to let go
but how that
will happen
you still do not
know
So you walk
in the forest
through the
trees
in your mind
and search
for a new life
old left
behind
The melody
that haunts
you
that nobody
plays
whispers through
the branches
in torturous ways
It sings
of a memory
which you
cannot let go
of a girl
who once
loved you
and filled you
with hope
Dragon's Wings
She lie awake
and thought of
things
like starlit skies
and dragon's wings
She felt unworthy
of her dreams
and settled for
so many things
He thought
her worthy
of a king
endless love
and everything
Although
their love
was not to be
he dreamed to see
her flying free
Aloft and soaring
to and fro
lighting the sky
with a
radiant glow
He wept to see
her now in
the chains
of someone
filled full with
disdain
For never
will her caged
heart sing
nor soar
above
on dragon's wings
She deserved
the man
he should have
been
they might be
now more
than just friends
She lie dreaming
while awake
and wondered
how long
it would take
to realize
the truth
of things
and finally
spread
her dragon's wings
Rejection
Another day
in a life
of pain
his heart
lie still
in a drying
blood stain
he doesn't
dare
to hope
again
what
painful
thoughts
yet remain
trick him
until
he's near
insane
he's lost
his love
and so
his way
uncertain
should he
go or stay
afraid to
sometimes
draw a
breath
in a world
that just
has nothing
left
in a life
of pain
his heart
lie still
in a drying
blood stain
he doesn't
dare
to hope
again
what
painful
thoughts
yet remain
trick him
until
he's near
insane
he's lost
his love
and so
his way
uncertain
should he
go or stay
afraid to
sometimes
draw a
breath
in a world
that just
has nothing
left
Gathering Strength
Memories sweet
lost in the past
Love, life, and dreams
too perfect to last
Dance with her
forever
Only now in
your dreams
Tears on her letter
Soul torn at
the seams
Give all you have
live only for now
Keep yesterday true
no matter how
Live for the day
the pain goes away
Those three words
aren't painful to say
"I love you" was hers
and for noone else
She's chosen
a different path
For life, and herself
Time to move
forward
let go of the pain
Live for the day
you're happy again
Stolen Inspiration
I often sat before this keyboard
thinking of you
Beautiful words would just appear
I did not sense contact with the keys
as if I thought them onto the screen
My heart grew with a love for you
as poetry beat it's way from my soul
to honor you, my love for you
Pictures of our love eternal
removed from me a need to even dream
The other side, the dark side
so much I did not know
Your secrets, painful awful secrets
I know them now, enough of them
Don't tell me anymore, ever, I beg you
It's all sadness and pain, deep and cutting
I write sorrow now
grey nights, dead flowers, weeping
broken heart, poor me, pity me
I want to find a way back
to the beautiful words
I haven't given up
It's so dark and yet
I know they exist, somewhere
They came freely, so often before
I know it was you
who took them
Please, give them back
thinking of you
Beautiful words would just appear
I did not sense contact with the keys
as if I thought them onto the screen
My heart grew with a love for you
as poetry beat it's way from my soul
to honor you, my love for you
Pictures of our love eternal
removed from me a need to even dream
The other side, the dark side
so much I did not know
Your secrets, painful awful secrets
I know them now, enough of them
Don't tell me anymore, ever, I beg you
It's all sadness and pain, deep and cutting
I write sorrow now
grey nights, dead flowers, weeping
broken heart, poor me, pity me
I want to find a way back
to the beautiful words
I haven't given up
It's so dark and yet
I know they exist, somewhere
They came freely, so often before
I know it was you
who took them
Please, give them back
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Beauty's True Face
She has a perfect heart ,
and loving soul
Why then are her hands so cold?
She has angel eyes
and a devilish smile
Behind which hide her callous wiles
Her laugh is like a crystal bell
Her smile makes life a living hell
She keeps their hearts waiting in line
Like a fool, I gave her mine
She keeps it there in easy reach
Her bloody grip on every piece
She sets alight the summer sky
Just to watch it burn and die
She has a perfect heart and loving soul
Why then are her hands so cold?
Life is a Country Song
Today I woke up all alone
maybe for the rest of my life
another man's now holding
the girl I made my wife
She decided long ago
she wanted to be free
just only recently
shared that news with me
I saw everlasting love
in the simple life we shared
her disregard for what we had
caught me unprepared
She had found a lover
maybe even more than one
never had the courtesy
to tell me we were done
Then one day she left me
I felt the whole world end
my wife simply walked away
taking my best friend
Try to understand it all
I feel like I have died
Our forever's on the wind
She never even cried
maybe for the rest of my life
another man's now holding
the girl I made my wife
She decided long ago
she wanted to be free
just only recently
shared that news with me
I saw everlasting love
in the simple life we shared
her disregard for what we had
caught me unprepared
She had found a lover
maybe even more than one
never had the courtesy
to tell me we were done
Then one day she left me
I felt the whole world end
my wife simply walked away
taking my best friend
Try to understand it all
I feel like I have died
Our forever's on the wind
She never even cried
Monday, January 18, 2010
Your Chosen Path
Black raindrops
in my soul
Liquid fire drowning
any semblance of hope
Razor's caress a lover's lips
Touch of pain
Remind me to breathe
You tore viciously at
all confidence
Removed hope
with the dullest blade
Laughing
Walk away, it's so easy
forget your promise
wipe your feet
on the doormat
That was our life
Build your new life
on our foundation
our past,so many dreams
Turned to dust
Enjoy him, now that we are
beyond all the hard times
No looking back
Be happy, now that we have
already raised our child
She can take care of herself
What family?
Simply take down all
the pictures of our life
It never happened
Someday he will bring you a gift
of black raindrops, liquid fire
Karma dictates
your eventual reward
You'll find no pity here
Futility in Emotion
Dark depths of desperation
within the endless echo
of selfishly abandoned dreams
resound woefully within a heart
caught completely unaware
Forever no more than
a pile of stained glass
trod upon by bloodied feet
that stumble again tragically
to a door so long ago locked
red slowly becoming black
along a winding path of melancholy
Pleading hands ashen and trembling
obsessively trace again her name
on windows blackened with despair
whilst a broken soul pities the eyes
which can find not one more tear
within the endless echo
of selfishly abandoned dreams
resound woefully within a heart
caught completely unaware
Forever no more than
a pile of stained glass
trod upon by bloodied feet
that stumble again tragically
to a door so long ago locked
red slowly becoming black
along a winding path of melancholy
Pleading hands ashen and trembling
obsessively trace again her name
on windows blackened with despair
whilst a broken soul pities the eyes
which can find not one more tear
Salvation in a Smile
That year fate would test him
first taking his best friend
illness swept in second
knocked him down again
then he lie there thinking
what's wrong with this old heart
one last thing came stinging
to rip his world apart
the love he had was leaving
he knew not what to do
he just sat there grieving
he'd thought their love was true
He'd had his share of crying
still worried about his heart
he spent each new day trying
not to fall apart
He wandered through the daytime
to stunned to even think
not ready for the evenings
without a few stiff drinks
He woke this morning sadly
still quiet and alone
wanting oh so badly
someone to call his own
it's not like they aren't out there
it's not like he's so bad
just a bit of doubt where
his heart lie broke and sad
He'd find someone lovely
when it was again his time
meanwhile he just sits there
waiting for a sign
the only time it hurts him
is when he thinks of her
of times they spent together
when life had seemed so sure
His broken heart would mend
the loneliness will fade
he finds ways to stay a friend
to the one who got away
he can't regret a single thing
nor covet the lost tears
he'd rather appreciate
how deeply
they'd loved for all those years
Still in all his anguish
and misery these days
he'd found a way to vanquish
all but the worst of pain
he'd think of his baby
the one she'd given him
knowing he'd go crazy
if they had never been
He'd rather go through all this pain
than never see her eyes again
that first time that they laughed and played
and all his future plans were made
around that darling little child
who once upon a summer day
forever stole his heart away
with
nothing
but
a smile
Sunday, January 17, 2010
New Beginning's End
Remember when we were so nervous about the life we'd just begun?
I think of all the silly things we did
How I miss every one.
The rainy day at the old church
aglow in your white dress
How moving from your parent's home
made you such a mess
We bought that house we hated
the place was such a wreck
We worked so hard to make it
a place where I felt blessed
Our baby grew, our love did too
the years passed quickly by
Reflected in your lovely eyes
stood such a lucky guy
Remember when we were so nervous about the life we'd just begun?
The thing that hurts the worst is
how quickly it was undone
I'm sure I bear my fair share
of what we'd call the blame
I loved you all and everything
yet you ceased to feel the same
It's obvious you thought that
I could be a better man
The things you did to prove it
I'll never understand
Instead of ever telling me
exactly how you felt
You went out and gave your love
away to someone else
You left me stating simply
"I used to be carefree"
I think by then you only were
free of care for me
Now life is cold and empty
you're so happy to be gone
Lost deep in fading memories of the life we'd just begun
I think of all the silly things we did
How I miss every one.
The rainy day at the old church
aglow in your white dress
How moving from your parent's home
made you such a mess
We bought that house we hated
the place was such a wreck
We worked so hard to make it
a place where I felt blessed
Our baby grew, our love did too
the years passed quickly by
Reflected in your lovely eyes
stood such a lucky guy
Remember when we were so nervous about the life we'd just begun?
The thing that hurts the worst is
how quickly it was undone
I'm sure I bear my fair share
of what we'd call the blame
I loved you all and everything
yet you ceased to feel the same
It's obvious you thought that
I could be a better man
The things you did to prove it
I'll never understand
Instead of ever telling me
exactly how you felt
You went out and gave your love
away to someone else
You left me stating simply
"I used to be carefree"
I think by then you only were
free of care for me
Now life is cold and empty
you're so happy to be gone
Lost deep in fading memories of the life we'd just begun
Denial
Honestly I think of you
much less
than once before
I thought of you
first all the time,
not so anymore
You're on my mind
right now
As you were
an hour ago
I dreamt of you
last night
This morning
I let go
At lunchtime
you came back
Crept in my head
again
I think of you
so seldom
Just every
now and then
Rarely do I
think of you
Just as I am
not now
I had to set
your memory free
I'll heal as time allows
much less
than once before
I thought of you
first all the time,
not so anymore
You're on my mind
right now
As you were
an hour ago
I dreamt of you
last night
This morning
I let go
At lunchtime
you came back
Crept in my head
again
I think of you
so seldom
Just every
now and then
Rarely do I
think of you
Just as I am
not now
I had to set
your memory free
I'll heal as time allows
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Damaged Soul Fades
Last threads of sanity
tear from my soul
drift in an eternity
no longer whole
Awash in despair
a coat of lost hope
blown on the air
of destiny's smoke
Chasing a life
that runs at my sight
sorrow and strife
beckon the night
Afraid to reveal
my face to the sun
yet warmth has appeal
where darkness has none
Last threads of sanity
abandoning my soul
a silent cry echoes
"Was I ever whole?"
A whisper of nothing
responds with a sigh
"Sadly an answer,
I cannot provide"
The laughter of silence
then leaves in a rush
afraid still to jump
I yearn for a push
Step from the shadows
chasing myself
a nervous wind taking
my last cry for help
Last threads of sanity
lie at my feet
the war with my pain
ends in defeat
tear from my soul
drift in an eternity
no longer whole
Awash in despair
a coat of lost hope
blown on the air
of destiny's smoke
Chasing a life
that runs at my sight
sorrow and strife
beckon the night
Afraid to reveal
my face to the sun
yet warmth has appeal
where darkness has none
Last threads of sanity
abandoning my soul
a silent cry echoes
"Was I ever whole?"
A whisper of nothing
responds with a sigh
"Sadly an answer,
I cannot provide"
The laughter of silence
then leaves in a rush
afraid still to jump
I yearn for a push
Step from the shadows
chasing myself
a nervous wind taking
my last cry for help
Last threads of sanity
lie at my feet
the war with my pain
ends in defeat
For Logan
If you listen
closely
to the rain
The angels
laugh inside
They dance
and play
and dodge
the drops
But if you
look
they hide
If you
wait until
it's gone
When the
Summer sun
arrives
You might
see a
rainbow
on which
playful angels slide
If you drop
down
to your knees
In the rain
soaked grass
close one eye
and be real still
You might
just see one
pass
I've tried
to see them
I always do
Still the only one
I've ever seen
continues to be you
Well they don't all have to be Sad Pennies do they?
Sorrow for a Stranger
"Loneliness echos inside my hardening heart
Seek out my wings or I shall perish to dust"
The words thundered in his mind
two solemn, somber, dreadful lines
He wondered who had left them there
on the transom, above his stairs
He was aware of noone here
who's pain could fill him with the fear
That echoed in those lonely words
though never spoken, clearly heard
He wondered if they'd never loved
as he stood there looking up above
The doorway to his humble home
where someone once felt so alone
He wanted more than anything
to help them find their missing wings
He felt in earnest standing there
this stranger's burden, his to share
But sadly with no place to start
he cradled his own heavy heart
And mumbled as he strolled inside
"Your wings cannot forever hide"
"Your heart,not turn to stone"
"Your pain one day, will go away"
"This was not your true home"
"In heaven where we all get wings
you too will get some."
This was written for a contest on "The Poet's Sanctuary", one of my absolute favorite places on the web. The first line was provided and had to be somewhere in the poem, the rest is all me.
Seek out my wings or I shall perish to dust"
The words thundered in his mind
two solemn, somber, dreadful lines
He wondered who had left them there
on the transom, above his stairs
He was aware of noone here
who's pain could fill him with the fear
That echoed in those lonely words
though never spoken, clearly heard
He wondered if they'd never loved
as he stood there looking up above
The doorway to his humble home
where someone once felt so alone
He wanted more than anything
to help them find their missing wings
He felt in earnest standing there
this stranger's burden, his to share
But sadly with no place to start
he cradled his own heavy heart
And mumbled as he strolled inside
"Your wings cannot forever hide"
"Your heart,not turn to stone"
"Your pain one day, will go away"
"This was not your true home"
"In heaven where we all get wings
you too will get some."
This was written for a contest on "The Poet's Sanctuary", one of my absolute favorite places on the web. The first line was provided and had to be somewhere in the poem, the rest is all me.
Before the Snow
I stood amongst the blowing leaves
In the silence of the Fall
You lie there, with your friends
Heroes, one and all
They came for you in Springtime
now two years ago
when we both told the children
Mommy has to go
You went to fight for freedom
at least, that's what they said
the sound of your flight leaving
still echoes in my head
That phone call you made to me
when I was feeling low
You always were the brave one
God I miss you so
"Darling don't you worry
please hug both our kids
We're moving in the morning
to back up Squadron six"
"They're pinned down and it's ugly
they really need our help
I know you're worried for me
I'll take care of myself"
"I've got one piece of good news
I thought that you should know
It looks like I'll be coming home
sometime before the snow "
Carpenter's Grove
"Pull up a chair, please pardon my stare,
You remind me of someone I love."
"Care for some wine,perhaps pass the time?
I’ve never seen you,in Carpenter’s Grove?"
"Oh good, you’ll stay,you’re certainly nice.
It’s gotten so quiet since losing my wife."
"She left me you see, alone in this place,
vanished one day,without a trace."
"I imagine she’s happy, it eases the pain.
Hopefully one day,I’ll see her again."
"You see, I forgive her. How could I not?
She no longer loved me,felt lonely and lost."
"She married too young,missed out on the fun,
a newfound love promised to share."
"Yes, we had vows. You’re wondering how
she'd abandon them, without a care?"
"I wondered that too. I don’t have a clue.
Sometimes it seems life isn’t fair."
"Enough about me,I sure ramble on,
there’s been no one here,for so very long."
"I forget sometimes to be a good host.
Sit here a’ haunting, old heartbroken ghost."
"Let me just add some wood to the stove.
Tell me ,what brings you to Carpenter’s Grove?"
You remind me of someone I love."
"Care for some wine,perhaps pass the time?
I’ve never seen you,in Carpenter’s Grove?"
"Oh good, you’ll stay,you’re certainly nice.
It’s gotten so quiet since losing my wife."
"She left me you see, alone in this place,
vanished one day,without a trace."
"I imagine she’s happy, it eases the pain.
Hopefully one day,I’ll see her again."
"You see, I forgive her. How could I not?
She no longer loved me,felt lonely and lost."
"She married too young,missed out on the fun,
a newfound love promised to share."
"Yes, we had vows. You’re wondering how
she'd abandon them, without a care?"
"I wondered that too. I don’t have a clue.
Sometimes it seems life isn’t fair."
"Enough about me,I sure ramble on,
there’s been no one here,for so very long."
"I forget sometimes to be a good host.
Sit here a’ haunting, old heartbroken ghost."
"Let me just add some wood to the stove.
Tell me ,what brings you to Carpenter’s Grove?"
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